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 Internal Features |
 The Best of the Worst Tournament
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| The Feature |
The Description |
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| The Reviews |
As linked above on the crazy mutant cat paw-held video tape,
here are the reviews. This is what it's all about, folks.
[The cat is Ferox's, by the way]
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Too Much Metal
For Five Hands |
We're all avid - rabid, in fact - music fans, so we just
couldn't stay away from the stuff. Rock and fuckin' roll, eh?
SLAYER!!!!!
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| The Tournament |
They'll fight to the death for your entertainment in The
Best of the Worst Tournament.
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| Snor-Gon [Editorials] |
Caffienated complaints to the Customer Service desks of our minds.
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| You Pick 'Em |
The tourney was formed because we wanted to make the You Pick
'Em more organized - here are the original fights.
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| Chuddings |
Thought-provoking comments from the makers of this lovely page.
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| Crushors of Large Proportions |
Friends both online and offline - these people crush in
huge ways, and we really appreciate every last goddamned one of
them. Alternate title of this section: Fuzzy Happy Special
Super Good-Time Friend-Lovin' Corner. [this section soon begins]
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| The Story of Coco-Roos |
PG-13 Version - In which Satanery occurs and the
Malt-O-Meal Corp. causes a rather large scandal. Watch out for
guest appearances from our buddies!
NC-17 Version - Oh, it'll be here - and when it is, I guarantee
it'll be fucking evil. EVIL LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, THAT IS!!
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| Self-Glorification |
Mangled portrayals of ourselves just for you!
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| The Extras |
Here's some stuff. You can have these. There are wallpaper
images. There are also other good things. Go, Jira!!
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| ...The Hell? |
We'll tell you here. This is our dictionary; learn the lingo.
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| BrainWaves?? |
Would you like to know what those crazy chunks of chronologically
-seperated text are? Well, here you go.
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| External Sources |
Cabal Sites
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| Teleport City |
Keith Allison is a great writer. His articles kick
everyone's ass. Movie reviews, editorials, music reviews,
even travellogues! The very man who introduced us to
Guitar Wolf!
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| Bad Movie Report |
Your bad movie report is due a week from today. If
you turn it in late, Dr. Freex will smack you in the
face with his cane. NOW GET TO WORK, FUCKER!!!!
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| Stomp Tokyo |
They did! They did send us glow-in-the-dark cups!
We love you, Gojira! No city is safe under the combined
reviewing power of Chris and Scott.
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| Cold Fusion Video |
Cold fusion as an energy source doesn't work. Neither do the movies
that Cold Fusion Video reviews. The site, however, rules. Check out
Nate's battle of words with the crazy man who thinks dinosaurs are an
evil plot by Satanists to dethrone God!
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| Opposable Thumb Films |
Joe Bannerman did not give me raisins at B-Fest 2002, so I'm
assuming an evil force cloned him and for some reason the clone
turned out to be very nice and wanders around handing out raisins.
The original is, however, a very funny reviewer. He also uses something
to rate his movies that makes even our Billy Satan-o-Graham seem
not so scary.
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| And You Call Yourself A Scientist! |
So, you think knowing your periodic table and sticking a cat in a
vacuum pump is enough to call yourself a mad scientist, huh? Think
again, schmuck. You got nothing on Liz. She'll cook you up a monster
to scare your willie off, and then she'll think of some funny way to
use it in her Christmas decorations. And she NEVER runs out of blue
stuff.
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Non-Cabal Sites
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| Tomb Of Anubis |
Anubis is a fellow deity of devastation with an eye
for gore. Rest comfortably knowing that if someone who
made a movie that you hate dies, he's waiting on the other
side.
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| Avalon & Co. |
Nathan Shumate's at it again!! The adventures of
Rennie Avalon remind me of the Anita Blake: Vampire
Hunter novels, but without all the crazy bondage sex and
gratuitous torture. Read it now, or we'll claim to be
something beyond mortals. Well, then again, "I am immortal".
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| Radioactive Death |
BIOTECH!! BIOTECH!! BIOTECH!! IS GODZILLA!!!! ... and
Godzilla is Radioactive Death. Figure out the greatness
of THAT one, won't you?
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| BadMovies.org |
BadMovies dot org is our mother. Or perhaps not, I'm not
entirely sure. Either way, go there now because Andrew [the
webmaster] is a great damned reviewer and a great damned guy.
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| Dante's Inferno |
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, for if Dante
doesn't like you or your shitty movie, he'll feed your
worthless ass to the demons of the pit. Play nice.
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| 3-B Theater |
Chad Plambeck says any bad movie can be good through a 3-beer
haze. Can it? Come to the Theater and find out. But bring your
own damn booze. That shit ain't cheap. Some of the coolest
graphics in the biz, too.
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| The B-Movie Film Vault |
"What a wonderful world it would be if alcohol flowed through
our veins." One of the many memorable lines contained in the depths
of the B-Movie Film Vault. Let's just hope it's not the same vault
they keep the Hobgoblins in. If so, I may have to use my godlike
powers to launch this vault into the far reaches of space. Until
then, pop in and take a look around. Quoth the skydiver, "It's fun!"
Just keep an eye out for those damn Hobgoblins.
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Mutual Links
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| Monoperative |
Good stuff from one of Ferox's best friends. Excellent site
design, various types of content, and an all-around great page
can be found here.
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NC Campus Crusade
for Cthulhu |
Sadly defunct. The link doesn't work. So, why'd we leave the
link up? We don't know. But you're going to try it, aren't you?
Go ahead on: it's your move.
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We Dig 'Em
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| Bruce Campbell Online |
If we need to explain this to you, you don't deserve to be here.
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| Chop Top's Bar-B-Que |
Home of Bill Mosely, of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
fame. Hands down one of the coolest sites out there.
It's a safe place for psychos like us.
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| Doctor Who Official Site |
Since you're at this site in the first place, you
have no right calling ME a dork. If you don't like
it, go watch Star Trek, wuss.
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| Joe Bob Briggs' Homepage |
Not knowing who Joe Bob Briggs is is just as big
a crime as not knowing who Bruce Campbell is. Go and
be enlightened by a man whose very words you are
unworthy to read.
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| Mission Improvable |
Wicked rockin' improv crew that came through our college recently.
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| Victor Pest Control Products |
What can I say, I love playing with mousetraps.
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Kick-Ass Retailers
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| Blackest Heart Media |
If it'll make you puke, they have it. Not since
the 700 Club has there been so much sleaze packed
into one place. And the best part is, it's all
rare sleaze!
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| Cheap B-Movies |
They have a wide variety of packages. It's funny,
because in some circles, packages = crotches. But
seriously, folks, ten movies for forty bucks?!? That
fucking rules, and it makes us happy. Plus the guy
was quick to jump up and link us, which is damned
cool. Yargh.
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| Clutch Official Merchandise |
Your one-stop shop for official Clutch gear.
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| Far East Flix |
Movies from the land of the rising sun, where kung
fu is powerful, but Godzilla is ultimately more powerful.
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| Hevy Devy Records |
After much deliberation, I decided to put this one under
retailers. The place for all things Devin Townsend, Canadian
god of metal. There's tons of merchandise, and oh so much more.
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| Lix Online |
This site is sort of up-and-coming. They only have one
section at the moment, but it's worth a look. They have some
of the coolest horror shirts this side of Rotten Cotton.
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| Rotten Cotton |
Shirts that will kick your face in. Quality and
offensiveness guaranteed, just the way we like 'em.
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| Showcase Collectibles |
The finest in all things large, radioactive, and Japanese.
Excellent quality tapes, and more toys than you can shake
an isotope at!
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| Park DVD |
Good stuff - low prices and a damned nice staff.
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| Satan Loves You [Punkassgear] |
Their boots were made for stompin', and that's just
what they'll do. One of these days these boots are
gonna stomp all over nonbelievers of the Brotherhood.
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| T-Shirt Hell |
Fucking incredible - Satan, offensiveness - and
general unbelievable darkness. This might actually
offend some people that aren't offended by us --
but for anyone who can dig some fucked up humour,
chizzity check it out FUCKING NOW!!
[get us the paycheck, fellows]
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| Unearthly Delights |
Great flash design, shirts of the devil - and Cthulhu.
Damned right, fellows.
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All website design, graphics, content, and such is © 2000-2003,
I've Been Violated By This Horrible Movie And Now I Think That
I've Got A VTD [Visually Transmitted Disease] Incorporated,
unless otherwise noted.
If anyone wishes to complain or contact us for any reason,
please click this chunk of words. Thank you.
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