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Childhood memories are too often spoiled. Either by losing too much time to work, stupid family politics around the table at holidays, or what have you. Well, I wanted a few of those memories back, even if for ninety minutes. So desperate was I, that we watched Inframan. It may or may not have been a good idea. I enjoyed it. A kiddie bus is attacked by a dragon, which promptly disappears and causes a huge landslide. The kids are evacuated, but the driver gets buried. Elsewhere, a town explodes for no particular reason. Important scientisty people are called in to check out the strange goings on. While the scientists are in their futuristic base with their shiny silver suits trying to figure out the dilly-o, a volcano erupts after a thousand years of dormancy to reveal the hideout of Princess Dragon Mom. Stop laughing, it’s not nice to laugh at ancient demonic overlords. It was probably a really scary name a thousand years ago. Anywho, she pops up and tells the scientists she’s taking over the world with her army of mutant dinosaurs, or something. The scientist’s base bursts into flames somehow, or maybe I was digging for a beer at this point and missed something. They hold a conference, and the head scientist (we shall call him Professor for now, because I couldn’t catch his name) lays down what he knows about the invaders. And then, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…the scientists declare martial law! Whoohoo! It wouldn’t be a Japanese movie if the scientists didn’t declare martial law. Back at the scientists’ base (wait, didn’t that just explode?), Professor takes Rema to his secret lab to show him the Inframan project. It’s an invincible cyborg who can defeat the monsters and save the world. It can probably clean bathrooms really fast, too. Meanwhile, Princess Dragon Mom sends Nemesis and Plant Man to attack. Nemesis attacks a car and takes Tu-Ming, one of the other scientists, back to Dragon Mom. Plant Man tunnels under the scientists’ base and attacks it with huge vines for a really long time. One of the scientists tries to hang one out at the monster, but to no avail. Just in time to save them, Rema has completed his transformation into Inframan, and he kicks Plant Man’s ass. Goofily. Very very goofily. Back and Dragon Mom HQ, Tu-Ming is brainwashed by She-Demon. At scientist HQ, the Professor decides that Inframan needs THUNDERBOLT FISTS!!! Tu-Ming is sent to the lab to steal the Inframan blueprints. He breaks in, kills a guy who revives long enough to tell Rema that Tu-Ming is in the lab, and Rema chases Tu-Ming on a motorcycle. They end up in a quarry, where they’re attacked by some disposeable henchmen and Bug Man. Rema becomes Inframan and kicks some ass. Fuzz Demon appears and zaps him into a lake. All the monsters eventually get their asses handed to them. Nemesis is sent to blow up scientist HQ. Tu-Ming gets back to Dragon Mom with the schematic, and she discovers his hands are vulnerable. Annoying school children talk about being Infragirl, when Nemesis shows up and ties them to his bomb. Inframan saves them, and the Professor gives him his new weapon, THUNDERBOLT FISTS!!! He tests them on a big ball of diamond dust, gets some schnazzy new infrablades that can cut through anything. There’s some touching Professor-daughter talk about how she did a great job of taking over the house when mom died. Nemesis breaks in and captures her after the Professor leaves. Dragon Mom calls up the Professor and tells him he must come to her HQ alone to save his daughter. He’s taken to her on a boat. She-Demon beams his daugher in and dumps Tu-Ming into a fiery pit to make an example. Dragon Mom has a plan to cloud the sky and fuck up Inframan’s solar batteries. Just then, Rema shows up at Dragon Mom HQ and kicks some disposable henchmen ass. When Nemesis and Lobotomy Fu-Manchu join the fray, Rema turns into Inframan. The cloud plan fails for no apparent reason, and Inframan cleans house. He breaks into HQ and gets tossed into the lava pit, which he escapes. She-Demon tries to kill him with a laser she stole from a Doctor Who episode called The Talons of Weng Chiang, and gets thrown into a boiling lake for her trouble. Inframan tries to thaw out the Professor and his daughter, whom Dragon Mom froze. The Slinky Twins (the coolest monsters in the movie, in my opinion) interrupt, and they get their asses kicked too. Dragon Mom freezes Inframan, but he thaws himself by using his missiles (!). After trying to cut off Dragon Mom’s head about thirty million times and it just grows back, he nukes her with his THUNDERBOLT FISTS!!! Inframan thaws out the Professor and his daughter, Dragon Mom HQ goes kerflooie, and they drive away happily in a boat. The End. Well, that was nice. For an hour and a half I was six again. I loved this movie when I was a kid, and you know what? I still love it.
What's a BrainWave?
Fistula
Ferox
Ragnarok Begin.
This may get silly.
Ah, the innocent days of the Shaw Brothers before the gore and porn.
10 Min.
A day without Godzilla or Gamera is a day without sunshine.
That's a hell of a lot of exposition for ten minutes. Ancient dictators get right to the point.
20 Min.
Yeah, I wanna own a Toyota real soon.
PLANT MAN! Dododododododododododo!!
30 Min.
Even at it's silliest, Godzilla Vs. King Kong never reached this level of shame.
Inframan is powered by Aunt Mabel's Wild Mountain - three liters for ninety-nine cents!
40 Min.
CHiPs goes to Japan.
HORSESHIT!!
50 Min.
Yes. Let's go over there.
Infragirl just stays home, does the infradishes, changes the infrababy's infradiapers, makes infradinner...
60 Min.
This can't be Japan, there's a woman outside the kitchen!
Little shorts the world over.
70 Min.
Oh no, we've stumbled into the end of Mitchell!
Nuthugging shiny spandex. *shudder*
80 Min.
Inframan: the movie that offers more "why the hell didn't he do that in the first place?" per minute.
Meat slammers for everyone! Infragoofyness! GO!!
End.
Oh, the Japanity! What a blast!
And the saga of Elian Gonzales begins...
Brother Fistula: First off I'd just like to say that I do NOT appreciate crappy Japanese monster films. Some people may find them amusing, but I don't. I've got no real comments or insights to Infra Man, it just kind of sucks. Sorry. Wish I had more to say. 1.5 Brother Ferox: Wow, this movie is great to sit through... as long as Clark-O-Man is there with you!! This guy made the movie wonderful. Besides that, how the hell did this guy figure out how to use that suit?!? He just picks it up and suddenly has da skillz to destruct all of these stupid-faced evil guards?!? And why is Plantman (doo-doo-doo-da-doo) suddenly large? Why is that RED GUY suddenly large? WHY IS INFRA-MAN SUDDENLY LARGE?!? WHY??? Well I don't even understand it, but it's great. This movie was kind of hard to watch towards the end (WHAT?!? THOSE GUYS ARE BACK AGAIN?!? WHY, INFRA-MAN, WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?) with the slinky-monsters and all... the movie overall wasn't too bad. 4
Brother Ragnarok: The only reason I MST3Ked it up really well with this is that I've seen it before. Many times. I kinda knew what was comin' and I knew just how vulnerable a victim this movie was. But it's also a fond childhood memory. I'll throw out a 4 as well. Thanks for that nice chunk of nostalgia. Made my day better.
Recommended by: Brothers Ferox and Ragnarok. THUNDERBOLT FISTS!!!!
