The Rulings
Brother Fistula;
For once in a non-girl situation, I have absolutely nothing to say,
I know virtually nothing about either one of these two, so in respect
to fans of either/or, I won’t fake it. As one of the few and proud
that hate Rocky Horror Picture Show, Tom Skeritt drops Curry on his
head and stomps on his head until his heart beats no more forever.
WINNER: Tom Skerritt
Brother Ferox;
There’s popcorn in my teeth, and it hurts – thus I’ll be quick with
this one. Skerritt comes into the ring afraid, and he calls on his good
friend Billy Shatner to back him up. Simultaneously, Curry shows up with
his reinforcement: Meatloaf! Meatloaf and Shatner lock together first,
with Shatner screaming “You’re… not cool, not…… cool anymore!”
Everyone in attendance is shocked when Shatner, enraged, rips his
enemy’s false hair off of his head. Meatloaf is revealed as a reformed
non-rocking whore! Up in the crowd Ozzy , mumbling something about
drugs or whatever he’s mumbling about, looks at the sad and pathetic
Meatloaf. Ozzy realizes that he’s got to do something about this dude
who used to kick ass but now is lamer than lame can be. Ozzy rips his
necklace off and chucks it – and despite all of the drugs in his system,
it hits its target! Meatloaf’s head splits open and he dies. Shatner,
after realizing one victory, turns to assist the battle inside the ring.
Shatner joins Skerritt, and both lunge after Curry. Curry is knocked
down, and maybe even out! As the blood drips from his face, Curry has
a revelation: HE IS THE DIVIL! He backrolls out of the ring [insert
fart noise here] and regains his composure. Spinning at a high rate,
he suddenly transforms into Satan! Horrified, the crowd looks on as
Curry – er – the Morning Star – rips the souls out of Shatner and
Skerritt. From the auditorium seats Iommi sucks up the last of Skerritt’s
life as Skerritt dies. He and Ozzy have a good laugh at all of the
carnage, and then Ozzy forgets where he is and simply compensates by
taking some drugs. WINNER: Tim Curry
Brother Ragnarok;
Tom Skerritt, weakened by Tony Iommi’s evil life force transference
spell, hobbles into the ring on a walker. Curry struts into the ring
in his best transvestite getup. Skerritt, who along with physically
aging, has mentally aged. His ninety-eight year old sensibilities are
so offended by the hideous transvestite that he has a heart attack and
drops instantly dead. WINNER: Tim Curry
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