Last Man Standing: The Tournament
Tor Johnson
Tor Johnson, the Super Swedish
Angel, pro wrestling barnstormer
extraordinaire and b-movie God,
starring in such fare as The
Unearthly, Beast of Yucca
Flats, and the immortal
Plan 9 From Outer Space, gets
drawn against the unfortunate...
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Vs.
| Arch Hall Sr.
Arch Hall, Sr., director of
most of the movies his son
Arch Hall, Jr. was in (because
no one else wanted to direct
the talentless little shit),
and also playing Robert I.
Miller in the movie that
made one of the best MST3Ks
ever, Eegah. Good bye,
Arch, we won't miss you.
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The Rulings
Brother Fistula;
I don't think this fight even deserves my effort (does that
sound arrogant, I didn't mean it so), I'll save my description
for a better fight. Tor royally fucks up this flaming ass
flogger and moves on to bigger and better things. Tor scores
with the virtual first round bye. WINNER: Tor Johnson
Brother Ferox;
Well, this is one of the examples of how we chose these
fights randomly - we wouldn't make something this lopsided on
purpose. It'd be nice to give Tor a challenge, but since he
can't have that he can at least have some ice cream. Here you
go buddy [Brother Ferox hands Tor his half-eaten chocolate ice
cream] - have some good munches.
The fight? Oh yeah... Arch Hall Sr. punches Tor in the
gut, with no result whatsoever. Arch Hall Jr. runs in
singing "If I had a million dollars...", but it's entirely
pointless as Tor utters "Time for punch in the head!", and Tor
finishes them both off with one intense mad-insane punch.
WINNER: Tor Johnson
Brother Ragnarok;
Yeah, this one is a bit uneven. But you're going to need to
give the Swedish Angel more ice cream than that, Brother Ferox He
was known to eat several boxes of the stuff for desert before
taking a poop and shattering his toilet seat (he often stole them
from hotels as replacements). Okay, yeah, the sweaty Arch Hall,
Sr. stands no chance agains this b-movie superbeast. With a
resounding "Time for go to bed!", Tor lifts Arch's pudgy, oily
body over his head and pounds him into the mat so hard he goes
straight through and three feet into the concrete underneath
before stopping. WINNER: Good ol' Tor
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Winner by Unanimous Decision: Tor Johnson
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