Big McLargehuge Vs. Abraham Gentry

    
Brother Fistula;
    The bell rings and Gentry comes out swinging his trademark 
cane.  He cracks McLargehuge a few good ones in the skull, but 
that sure as hell doesn't have effect.  McLargehuge gets his 
meaty hands on Gentry and wrings his stack-o-dimes of a neck.  
Homoerotic grappling ensues.  Gentry's wits have left him, he 
just keeps hitting McLargehuge in the head, and that's got about 
the same effect as kicking Tommy Lee in the dick.  Suddenly, 
Gentry escapes and sticks his cane straight up McLargehuge's 
ass.  Big screams and runs around the ring in agony similar to 
Daytona 500 action.  McLargehuge gets in Gentry's face and lets 
out one of his trademark screams.  Gentry's ears begin to bleed, 
and all of the flesh is blown away by the tremendous breeze.  
McLargehuge punches Gentry in the exposed skull and it explodes 
into powder from the impact.  WINNER:  Big McLargehuge


Brother Ferox;
    I don't think that Brother Fistula gave Gentry near as much
crebdit as he deserves - wits-wise, that is.  Big McLargehuge 
runs into the ring taunting Gentry with the whole "I'm bigger 
than you, you homo, and I'll kick your ass!" thing that muscle-
lifting rednecks tend to do.  Before Big can strike a blow 
though, Gentry begins to explain back-in-the-day dentistry to 
him.  Oh no!  McLargehuge is intensely confused!  Abraham 
convinces Big, in his cloud of unknowing, to guzzle several cans 
of 7up, which were obviously placed well into Gore Gore Girls.  
Oh my!

    Now Big is both drunken and confused [as he usually is], due 
to the fact that somehow 7up can intoxicate people as seen in, 
once again, Gore Gore girls.  Abraham screams "STAY OUT OF 
TREES!", and Big turns his back.  A blade flings out of Gentry's 
cane and he goes for the final sacrifice [oops, I mean blow].  
Just then, McLargehuge flies around and snaps the cane in two - 
HAH!  Gentry has forgotten that since McLargehuge is a weight-
lifter, being drunken enhances him!  In his element, McLargehuge 
proceeds to jump into a nearby golf cart [hey, it's almost the 
same as his stupid cart] and plows Gentry over at an amazing 
three miles per hour.  Gentry's ribcage ruptures, poking one of 
his lungs directly into his liver.  How?  I don't know, but it 
happens, damn it all!  WINNER:  Big McLargehuge!


Brother Ragnarok;
    Big McLargehuge gets the first blow in, sending Gentry's 
scrawny frame bouncing into the ropes on the other side of the 
ring.  Gentry, quickly sizing up the match and knowing he's no 
contest for Big's physique, gets his Bond on, so to speak.  He 
flips the top of his cane open to reveal a small radio 
controller/transmitter.  With a few deft button flicks from his 
fingers, the sound of a revving engine echoes through the 
stadium.  Big, distracted by the unfamiliar sound of an internal 
combustion engine (he's from the future, dude, they run on 
electricity or something there), turns just in time to see 
Gentry's white Corvette barreling into the stadium.  The vehicle 
launches off a ramp, gliding through the air like a shark toward 
its prey.  The car rockets over the ring, truncating Big 
McLargehuge in a spray of gore.  WINNER:  Abe Gentry.