The Rulings
Brother Fistula;
It's hard to mellow out a crackhead, so Farting Cat Woman
rocks a psychological approach. She utilizes Ali's classic
"Rope-a-Dope" and lets Sammy wear himself out by swinging his
potent sock at a cloud of flatulence. Besides whafting the
odor around it doesn't do much. She materializes and kicks
him in the part of the head he had reattached. It's looking
more and more like a quick and one-sided battle, but Murray
comes to the ring with a secret weapon...a car seat. As Farting
Cat Woman beefs herself and goes in for the kill, Murray
intervenes divinely and holds the car seat in her path. She
becomes trapped inside, and only someone looking for a quick
high can unleash her fury. Maybe next time, Sammy wins.
WINNER: Sammy
Brother Ferox;
First of all, I feel obliged to use the word 'buttplug'
somewhere in this fight, so look out for that.
Alright... first of all, Sammy is all fucked up, beers and
whatever else he's doing at the time have got him seeing all
sorts of crazy shyxt. He wanders over to the ring, screaming
violently, kicking at the air randomly. FCW isn't so obvious,
as she sneaks up behind him in vapour form and overwhelms him,
choking him on the vile gasseous susbstance that is her.
Sammy looks down, he looks out, and it looks like he's been
assassinated before he even had a chance to do anything - until
he looks up at his assailant. What's this??? It looks like
Sammy sees something, and he takes one last gasp, swings his
arm, and connects with FCW somewhere near her pelvis. She flies
back and unsolidifies, showing that she's vulnerable after all!
Sammy crawls after her, breathing heavily, looking crazed.
FCW becomes a serious kind of terrified, and begins to back up,
sliding away and screaming. As she tries to flee via floor-
scuttling, she backs up into the moat that surrounds the ring -
of course we had to put something in to keep the bastards from
running away!!
Anyway, she's completley dissolved in the acidic fluidy
stuff that fills the moat, and Sammy jumps up, screaming something
incoherent about how drugs have allowed him to see and attack
the ninth dimension in which FCW had been hiding from her other
victims. I don't know, it's pretty crazy - but he is rather
victorious.
WINNER: Sammy
Brother Ragnarok;
Sammy is cool as all hell, but his weapons are nothing from
the supernatural world. FCW gets blown away comes right back.
Sammy swings at her with his sock full of pennies and takes her
head off, but she comes right back again. Whoops! She's
accidentally come back as a cheeseburger. Sammy, a triumphant
grin on his face, swallows the cheeseburger in two bites and
throws his arms over his head in victory. Suddenly, a disconcerted
look appears on his face. His stomach is distending in horridly
unnatural ways. BLAM! SPLAT! FCW erupts from his stomach in
the form of a raging lion, not to be confused with the Turkish
hero Lion Man. She reverts to her normal serene old woman form,
claims the first-round victor trophy, and advances to the next
level.
WINNER: FCW
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