The Rulings
Brother Fistula;
David vs. Goliath was never more apt as when Dennehy tangles
with Henriksen. Henriksen, being a heady individual, realizes he
can never match power with Dennehy, so he tries a hit-and-run
strategy. He peppers Dennehy with jabs ala Shane McMahon to Big
Show, and finds himself at an early advantage. He mounts the
top rope and goes for the big move. He leaps of, but instead
of connecting with his intended missle dropkick, Henrikson finds
himself on the receiving end of a massive sitout powerbomb. Oh,
shit. A graphic pummeling comes that words can't do justice to
(gorilla-press slam, leg drop, things like that). Now it's
time for Dennehy to finish the match, and he scales the top
rope and looks to splash Henriksen into a grease stain on the
mat. He jumps, but he misses! His jumping ability is sub-par,
even for a giant fat guy with a regulation cut. As he
struggles to his feet, Henriksen returns to the rope, hoping
for the missle dropkick. He jumps feet-first, but Dennehy
counters! He opens his mouth, and Henriksen slides right
down the chute. That's all for this one, nobody missle
dropkicks Brian Dennehy. The celebration begins, but...the
hell?! Henriksen bursts out of Dennehy's stomach, just like
a chestburster! He emerges the slimy and partially digested
victor! WINNER: Lance Henriksen
Brother Ferox;
B'WAAATCH yoself! OK, enough of that. Anywhen, Henriksen
and Dennehy square off, each looking at the other in
anticipation. Dennehy is the first to move, as his jaw
mangles and looks suddenly eviler than it had previously
[hey, I see it in my own mind - leave me alone!]. Dennehy
launches himself off of the ropes and chucks his forearm
at Henriksen's face. Fortunately, Henriksen dodges, and
Dennehy's arm breaks the turnbuckle in two! Henriksen
sees his opportunity and launches himself at Dennehy's
back. Oh no! Dennehy turns around at time and grabs
Henrikson around the midsection! Dennehy prepares to
drop Henriksen on the jagged, broken-off pole in the corner
of the ring... but WAIT! The dog from Man's Best Friend
shows up and gnaws on Dennehy. Though Dennehy loses a chunk
of his massive leg, he still is able to fight off the dog.
In the confusion, Henriksen gets away. Suddenly the dog
turns on Henrikson and gnaws on HIS leg!! The dog is
successful at chewing off Henriksen's leg, but then Ripley
shows up [Sigourney Weaver] and shoots the dog in the face.
Believing in a fair fight, she leaves the two combatants
to their battle. Henriksen grips the rope, pulls himself
up, and begins to bash Dennehy in the face with HIS OWN
LEG! Though no real damage is sustained by Dennehy, the
blood gets in his eyes and he begins to freak out.
Running around blindly, Dennehy falls onto the turnbuckle
that he previously broke. Dennehy stands up from the fall,
impaled turnbuckle and all, and falls over onto the
weakened and blood-stained Henriksen. By some miracle,
Dennehy is able to stand back up! Since Henriksen is
now b'squashed, Dennehy is the winner! Though he has
a permanent turnbuckle stuck in his chest, he is indeed
victorious. WINNER: Brian Dennehy
Brother Ragnarok;
Okay, now I love Lance. He's one of my all-time favorite
actors. But come on here. Have you SEEN Brian Dennehy? He's
fuckin' HUGE!. Lance has some muscle, but he's a wiry kinda
muscular. Lance is jogging back and forth in the ring, shadow
-boxing and psyching up for the match when Dennehy comes in.
He's dressed in pro-wrestler spandex, just because he can be.
He leaps over the ropes and clutches Lance's head in his massive
beefy hands. Lance struggles desperately, but can't seem to
free himself. Dennehy stops just prior to crushing Lance's
skull, and thinks to himself, "I want a Manwich." He pulls
a pre-sliced hamburger bun out of a pocket in his belt, puts
the slices on either side of Henriksen's head, and chomps
his skull open. Crunching thoughtfully, he muses about
how he really liked Aliens and would be really sorry
for killing Lance were it not that he was so yummy.
WINNER: Brian Dennehy
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