4:00 Doom: 4:00 is the hour that makes or breaks the night.
If you crash then, the *ominous music* 4:00 Doom is on you!
Strangely enough, if Ferox can make it through, he only makes
more sense as the morning progresses. Mostly it's because none
of the rest of us are coherent at that point.
Aunt Mabel's Wild Mountain: Cash Wise's sadly defunct generic
Mountain Dew. 3 liters for 99 cents, are you kidding me? Fuel for
4:00 AM, and 30 times more sugar than your doctor would recommend.
But it's 3 liters for 99 cents! R.I.P.
Bigfoot's Teleporter: This device first appeared in Night of
the Demon. Bigfoot used it as he attacked the cabin where
Professor the Nuge and his students. His arm came through a window,
but he was still banging on a door on the OTHER SIDE of the cabin.
We therefore came to the logical conclusion that Bigfoot had a
teleporting device. Since we saw Night of the Demon, the
teleporter was stolen from him and has traveled through many a bad
movie. Just look for suspicious jump-cuts or characters appearing
magically in a different room or location than they were just
seconds ago, and you'll know you've sighted an appearance of the
mystical Bigfoot's Teleporter!
Blacklist, The: Pretty simple. When we've watched a movie
that we really hate and we have it reviewed, we never have to
watch it again and it's added to the Blacklist, never allowed
back in any of our living rooms.
Boner-Waist Jeans: A phenomenon coined by Brother Ragnarok
and Fedeler, Friend to the Brotherhood. It's when the ridge
along the zipper of your jeans stands up and makes it look
like you have a hard-on even if you're watching a George Kennedy
flick.
Caffiene Pills: Something NOT TO BE TAKEN in large volume over
a short period of time. Unless you want to be all sorts of sick.
Cinemasodomy: The act of a movie penetrating your anal
canal by force.
Cinemasochism: The sexual pleasure from pain inflicted by
bad movies.
Deadly Daphne's Revenge, Declaring A: Brother Fistula is
wrong. There is one other way to escape the pain. If the movie
is hurting you so badly that you're afraid your brain is going
to leak out of your head like Potted Meat Food Product, you
can go walkabout. This liberty is taken during the shittier
movies, and is most often executed in the winter months, when a
popular mental cleansing is to dive headlong into a snowbank in
a desperate attempt to wash the icky movie off. This loophole
was Christened one night while we were watching Deadly Daphne's
Revenge, a shitty Troma-released I Spit On Your Grave
ripoff. Anyway, the movie sucked so much ass we completely
disregarded it and let it play out its runtime unnoticed and
severely unloved. Since then, if one of us is hurting too
much, we'll just say "I declare Deadly Daphne's Revenge," and
wander around the house until we feel well enough to return
to the movie. Note: This is only allowed under extreme
circumstances, such as during a rape scene.
Eat stewak, Harry Pooter and the Huperpluuge: Look, just
fuckin' do it.
Frolf: A congolmerate term for frisbee golf, the Brotherhood's
sport of choice.
Fuddrucker's Poop Ships: This is a little invention
Brother Ragnarok cooked up watching Nightflyers at five in
the morning. If you've ever eaten at Fuddrucker's, you know that
as good as the food is, you shit a five-pound grease brick the next
day. In the future, the military will join forces with this wonderful
but dangerous restaurant to create the most powerful weapon known
to man: The Fuddrucker's Poop Ship. People will be fed Fuddrucker's
hamburgers, and their asses will be attached to airlock portals which
in turn are connected to high-pressure air cannon. Once the people
shit, the shit will be blasted from the compressed air cannon, freezing
in the vaccum of space and forming missiles which in some cases could
be strong enough to punch clean through a planet and release the molten
core, destroying the entire world.
HORSESHIT!!: Here at college, lots of stuff happens.
Most of it sucks. However, every so-often something will come along
that blows our minds. Once, during finals week, we were sitting in
our room not playing music at large decibal rates [for some reason],
when some guy walked by the room in an argument with his friend. The
second guy said something along the lines of "you've got to be quiet,
or we'll get in trouble!" His friend, pushing his hair to the side and
revealing his darkened red neck, shouted "HORSESHIT!!!!" at the top of
his lungs. Inside the room, laughter raised. Since then, it's been
common for a chorus of "HORESHIT"s to raise from just about anywhere.
Instant Re-Gay: First, let us brush up on Movie Night policy.
Generally, movies run beginning to end, no exceptions. Movies are
under no circumstances turned off, fast-forwarded, or anything to
minimize the agony. Aside from going to the bathroom or getting
a pop, there is no escape. The only exception to the beginning-to-
end clause is the Instant Re-Gay. We realize that at 2:45 AM ,your
mind can play tricks, you may think you saw Jim Bakker in the crowd,
or maybe that guy in the car chase was black a minuteago, and
*HUZZAH* he's whiter than Conan O'Brien. Sometimes, such an unreal
event occurs that we just have to get a second look. A classic
example is Dr. Butcher, M.D.. Though we'recertain that the
dummy did indeed lose an arm (you'll see), such cinematic sublimity
deserves a second, third, and fourth look. That's the only
exception, now get back on that couch and take Buried Alive like a man!
Jeff Goldblum's Mom: The famous actor Jeff Goldblum's mother
works at our local Casey's general store. This is another product
of Night of the Demon, by the way. We were watching it,
and Brother Fistula pointed out a woman in a bandana who he said
looked like Jeff Goldblum's mom. When I (Ragnarok) asked him how
he knew what she looked like, he told me that she works at Casey's,
and is always wearing a bandana like that. After going back and
forth for a while about it being completely impossible that Jeff
Goldblum's mother works at our Casey's, I assumed he must have
been talking about Jeff Kockler's mother. Kockler is just some
guy that lives here in Manly. He sucks. Anyway, as soon as I
asked if he was talking about Jeff Kockler's mom, he said,
"Yeah, that's what I said all along." And to this day he vehemently
denies saying any such thing about Jeff Goldblum's maternal unit.
But he's lying. He really did say it.
[Fistula:] !!! Whoa! Hold on. I'm here to tell you that none oft
hat ever happened. I know what I said, and I never said anything
about Jeff Goldblum's mom. Don't listen to any of the above,
listen to me. I mean, I've bowled a 150, anyone else here able to
claim that? Yeah, suck on that.
[Ferox:] I wasn't there, but I trust Ragnarok. By the way, Fistula
doesn't bowl anymore. He ran away from the sport.
Lifting For Power: This is, as most of the stuff I've noticed
on here, more an inside joke than an actual term, but here we go.
I was in my accursed biology class one day, and Dr. Ventullo asked
us to give examples of how to measure power. There were a few of
the obvious answers about electricity and various things, and then
this raging idiot in the front of the room stands up.
"Power is a weightlifting term," he said. "You can lift for strength,
like howmuch you can actually put up, and then you can lift for power,
which is how EXPLOSIVELY you can lift the weight!" He shouted the
same phrase about explosiveness about twelve times, each time accenting
the word explosive by snapping his arms out like he was trying to
push away a leper attempting to lick his cheek. By the time he was
finished, Dr. Ventullo was giving him an "if you don't shut up I'll
slice off your face with an exacto knife" look, and I (Ragnarok) was
desperately trying not to fall off my chair laughing. So there you
go, an actual proven incident that people at Wartburg are fucking
idiots and should be almost completely wiped out. Some are cool, but
it's a sad minority. FEROX'S NOTE: I like putting notes on stuff.
I'm not an editor or anything, but that's OK. I just like it.
MST3K: Short for Mystery Science Theatre 3000, the
greatest TV show of all time. You know the one (anyone who watches
bad movies and doesn't should be executed), a guyand two robots watch
terrible movies as part of an insane experiment. Basically, anyone
who ever said, "Hey, ForrestTucker. He's the guy that makes sure all
the trees' shirt tails are in,"owes Joel, Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo all
the gratitude in the world. Fare thee well, Satellite of Love, thy
memory lives on. We shall continue to archive your adventures in cinema.
Watch out for snakes! R.I.P.
No More Goddamn Fuck: Okay, here's the dilly yo. We were at
the Tool concert in St. Paul (9-6-01, fucking great). We were sitting
about nine rows back. Between Meshuggah's opening set and Tool's, I
was looking down to the floor and there was a guy wearing a shirt that
said "NO MORE GODDAMN FUCK" on the back in big white letters. What a
great shirt! Since that time, we've taken this phrase to heart, using
it as a general expressal of discontent, ala "turn it off!" If the
guy with the cool shirt is reading this, or if anyone knows what band
the shirt wasadvertising, please contact me, and I'd just like to say
thanks, you brightened my world in a time of darkness. *Kiss and hug*
Premiere Video: The Brotherhood's favorite place to rent
from for Movie Nights. And another shameless plug. Free rentals, please!
RISK: Board game of choice of the Brotherhood. Sometimes
played during previously-viewed flicks. [Ferox note: I digAxis & Allies
just as much anymore, though]
Snack, A: Just a little bit. When you eat a snack, you're only
eating a little bit. When you watch a snack, it's only a snippet. When
you cock rock a snack, then god damn you!
Thanks for "title of movie here"!: If a member or guest
of one of our Movie Nights continually pushes for a movie that
they think looked really cool until we cave in and rent it, and it ends
up sucking caribou ass, we thank them for that movie and they are
thereby banned from chosing anything else until we forgive them and let
them come back to Premiere Video (shameless plug, give us free rentals!!)
with us. This was first implemented when Fedeler, friend to the
Brotherhood, pushed for us to rent The Glove for several months.
And it fucking sucked. It's been almost a year and he hasn't picked
another movie since.
Turn it OFF!!: A general expression of disapproval. An
example could be as follows: Your frolf disc is hurdling towards a
body of water. It probably won't help, but you could say "Turn it off!"
(Note: If you want your disc saved, turn to the higher power). Yes, that's
from MST3K, don't think you're so smart for figuring that out.
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